Things you DON'T want to hear in Surgery

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Things you DON'T want to hear in Surgery

Post by Gildemeir on Wed Mar 21, 2012 12:08 am

-Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.

-Someone call the janitor! We're going to need a mop.

-"Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness"

-Bo! Bo! Come back here! Bad dog!

-Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?

-Hand me that....uh....that....uh....thingie.

-Oh no! I lost my rolex.

-Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?

-Darn, there go the lights again...

-Ya know, there's big bucks in kidneys. Heck, this guy's got two of'em.

-Everybody stand back! I've lost my contact lens.

-Could you stop that thing from beating? It's throwing off my concentration.

-What's this doing here?

-I hate it when they're missing stuff in here....

-That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!

-I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses.

-Well folks, this will be an experiment for us all.

-Sterile, shcmeril. The floor's clean, right?

-Anyone see where I left that scalpel?

-And now we remove the subjects brain and place it in the body of the ape. OK, now take a picture from this angle.

-This is truly a freak of nature.

-This patient has already some kids, am I correct?

-Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?

-Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.

-What do you mean "You want a divorce"!

-She's gonna blow! Everybody take cover!

-FIRE! FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out now!

-Darn! Page 47 of the manual is missing.
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Re: Things you DON'T want to hear in Surgery

Post by Willow on Wed Apr 04, 2012 3:26 pm

wow XD

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Re: Things you DON'T want to hear in Surgery

Post by Apollo on Wed May 02, 2012 11:01 pm

being a veteran of many surgeries myself I got a few I feel you missed.

"What do you mean that isn't an ash tray?"

Nurse: "I don't think I've ever seen you in the OR before."
Doctor: "Oh I work two jobs one here and the other at the butcher shop."

"Okay can we hurry this up I got tee off in 15."

"What do you mean I operated on the wrong leg?"

"If you can hear this I really think it's already too late"

"Yes honey I will pick up ground beef before I come home."

"Wait my patient was supposed to be a female."
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Re: Things you DON'T want to hear in Surgery

Post by Tabitha Evangeline on Thu May 03, 2012 12:07 am

"Did you hear? They predicted that an earthquake would come by sometime today."
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Re: Things you DON'T want to hear in Surgery

Post by Apollo on Thu May 03, 2012 12:31 am

So people just letting you know that you dont need to be nervous around me this is my first time too!

What do you mean the VCR ate the tape?

What's the score of the [insert team name here] game?

Was his belly button always an an outy?

Relax ma'am I only killed four people last week

No one will ever doubt my skill again I stitched my name into my work

What do you mean I cant preform surgery drunk...Im sober enough to stand!

Hey guys look I can make a squirt gun if I put my finger here and here.

Does he need all of his vertebrae?

If he asks he always had four fingers on his right hand.

Guys...I think...I think Im gonna be sick *standing over the open body*

Nurse make me a sandwich this one is a coffin jockey anyway.

Oh we can go ahead and get started he'll be asleep shortly
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Re: Things you DON'T want to hear in Surgery

Post by Yenomrah on Sun May 06, 2012 2:18 am

If that hamster stops running in that wheel, we'll lose power to the light.

They're only pellets!

Oh dear my what, that really can happen? Well, someone better clean that up...

Does anyone here know CPR?

I've got a lovely bunch of needles! They're all standing in a row! Big one, small one, some as big as your head!

Ooooooooooh! Kool Aid!

Well, he didn't NEED that anyway. NEXT!

Did you know that the average human body only has eight pints of blood? Well, I haven't seen that yet for myself, so let's count. One... two... three...

I have hemophobia, so catch me if I pass out.

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Re: Things you DON'T want to hear in Surgery

Post by Apollo on Sun May 06, 2012 2:31 am

Sadly I only have one today...

I dont think that finger was supposed to come off...lets put it in the chili pot that should be good for a few laughs.
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Re: Things you DON'T want to hear in Surgery

Post by Yenomrah on Sun May 06, 2012 2:39 am

Have you prepped the sacrifice? I mean victim! I mean martyr! I mean... damn, I just can't do this anymore. Anyway, you are going to die. I hope you... oh wait, this man hasn't been drugged!

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Re: Things you DON'T want to hear in Surgery

Post by Apollo on Sun May 06, 2012 3:49 am

Im going to go ahead and call this 1:48 AM....What do you mean he isnt dead I just slit his wrist!
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Re: Things you DON'T want to hear in Surgery

Post by Franedu on Tue May 08, 2012 11:50 am

uhh guys i think it was the other kidney

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Re: Things you DON'T want to hear in Surgery

Post by Apollo on Tue May 08, 2012 2:34 pm

Guys that beat is amazing what is that band? Oh you mean its the heart monitor...well I dont think his heart is supposed to sound like that but it would be a shame to wreck such an awesome beat so lets leave it.
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Re: Things you DON'T want to hear in Surgery

Post by Franedu on Wed May 09, 2012 11:26 am

alright you can completely trust us said doctor. hey anyone know where the cassete tape is for heart transplant

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my purpose as a l'ceith is to protect everyone. i will not become a fal'ceith slave

Foolish children of man
The crime you committed is grievous indeed

The arbiter of time serves the goddess of death install her merciless splendor
All mortal being stand as equal when they receive their ultimate judgement

Only the most powerful is chosen to pass this sentence

Your sins is your arrogance
Such hubris to think you could challenge me

Drown in seas of blood writhe in infernal flame and suffer internal torment

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Re: Things you DON'T want to hear in Surgery

Post by Colt Strangelove on Wed May 09, 2012 11:44 am

You are my first patient, EVER!

I got leftovers, I don't even know where these go.

Is he an organ donor?

Operation successful! Now where did I leave my watch...

I'll fix you.

Wait... He's not the one who ordered plastic surgery?

So those implants were for next door...?

Hahaha! Thats a good one Bob! ... Oops...

Ewwww...

Someone give me a body bag.

Ei... just mark him as a John Doe.

Hey, look at this! It looks just like the last one I lost.

What do you mean I doubled the dose?

Don't worry, I played surgeon lots of times before, I know what I'm doing.

You mean this isn't the kidney?

What's this white stuff?
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Re: Things you DON'T want to hear in Surgery

Post by Apollo on Wed May 09, 2012 8:30 pm

Why are there no kidney beans in this kidney?
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Re: Things you DON'T want to hear in Surgery

Post by Franedu on Thu May 10, 2012 7:05 am

oh dang i left my watch in his heart how am i going to take it out

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my purpose as a l'ceith is to protect everyone. i will not become a fal'ceith slave

Foolish children of man
The crime you committed is grievous indeed

The arbiter of time serves the goddess of death install her merciless splendor
All mortal being stand as equal when they receive their ultimate judgement

Only the most powerful is chosen to pass this sentence

Your sins is your arrogance
Such hubris to think you could challenge me

Drown in seas of blood writhe in infernal flame and suffer internal torment

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Re: Things you DON'T want to hear in Surgery

Post by Apollo on Thu May 10, 2012 2:44 pm

why is it you guys are just recycling the same obvious lines?

-Hey you guys watch this! *other guy* Is it supposed to explode like that?

-Here hold my beer I got an appendix to take out.
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Re: Things you DON'T want to hear in Surgery

Post by Colt Strangelove on Fri May 11, 2012 8:43 am

-Fresh meat!

-Do I look like I know what I'm doing?
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Re: Things you DON'T want to hear in Surgery

Post by Franedu on Fri May 11, 2012 11:28 am

why are your prices so cheap said the patient
because they took my medical license away said doctor
whait wahh as he is injected with relaxant patient

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victory theme

battle theme
my purpose as a l'ceith is to protect everyone. i will not become a fal'ceith slave

Foolish children of man
The crime you committed is grievous indeed

The arbiter of time serves the goddess of death install her merciless splendor
All mortal being stand as equal when they receive their ultimate judgement

Only the most powerful is chosen to pass this sentence

Your sins is your arrogance
Such hubris to think you could challenge me

Drown in seas of blood writhe in infernal flame and suffer internal torment

Your punishment awaits
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Re: Things you DON'T want to hear in Surgery

Post by Zenshin on Thu Jun 07, 2012 11:42 am

"Ok nurse, put in that instruction video."
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Re: Things you DON'T want to hear in Surgery

Post by Vishnu on Fri Jun 08, 2012 7:04 am

Doctor theres a fire in the operating room- halfway through surgery.

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Re: Things you DON'T want to hear in Surgery

Post by Gildemeir on Fri Jun 08, 2012 11:11 am

"Do I cut the blue one? Or the red one?"
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Re: Things you DON'T want to hear in Surgery

Post by Vishnu on Fri Jun 08, 2012 11:48 am

Doctor is it natural for their to be blood coming from the genitalia?

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Re: Things you DON'T want to hear in Surgery

Post by Zenshin on Fri Jun 08, 2012 11:56 am

Doctor! That's not lunch, that's a patient!
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Re: Things you DON'T want to hear in Surgery

Post by Vishnu on Sat Jun 09, 2012 11:48 pm

Doctor we were supposed to perform a bitopsy not open heart surgery!

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Re: Things you DON'T want to hear in Surgery

Post by Lahnah on Sat Mar 30, 2013 6:50 pm

Doctor: That's the right leg...right?
Nurse: That's the left leg
Doctor: No I mean that's the right leg
Nurse: No sir I'm sure that's the left one
Doctor: Screw it

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Re: Things you DON'T want to hear in Surgery

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