Things you DON'T want to hear in Surgery

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Things you DON'T want to hear in Surgery

Post by Gildemeir on Wed Mar 21, 2012 12:08 am

First topic message reminder :

-Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.

-Someone call the janitor! We're going to need a mop.

-"Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness"

-Bo! Bo! Come back here! Bad dog!

-Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?

-Hand me that....uh....that....uh....thingie.

-Oh no! I lost my rolex.

-Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?

-Darn, there go the lights again...

-Ya know, there's big bucks in kidneys. Heck, this guy's got two of'em.

-Everybody stand back! I've lost my contact lens.

-Could you stop that thing from beating? It's throwing off my concentration.

-What's this doing here?

-I hate it when they're missing stuff in here....

-That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!

-I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses.

-Well folks, this will be an experiment for us all.

-Sterile, shcmeril. The floor's clean, right?

-Anyone see where I left that scalpel?

-And now we remove the subjects brain and place it in the body of the ape. OK, now take a picture from this angle.

-This is truly a freak of nature.

-This patient has already some kids, am I correct?

-Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?

-Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.

-What do you mean "You want a divorce"!

-She's gonna blow! Everybody take cover!

-FIRE! FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out now!

-Darn! Page 47 of the manual is missing.
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Re: Things you DON'T want to hear in Surgery

Post by Worth on Sat Apr 13, 2013 7:06 pm

This is a beautiful topic. May I add a few? hehehe

~~~~~

"Don't give up your dreams son. I may have failed medical school but look where I am now!"

"Add him to the pile in the basement."

"Who needs certification?"

"Wow, Not sure how that got in there."

"Well, If any of you nurses have any plans, now would be a great time to switch to your plan."

"Your liver is mine!"

"She could use more than just a face lift."

"Don't tell him about the transplant. It'll be a surprise."

"Just try not to look at yourself in the mirror on the way out."

"This kidney of yours is gonna gain me a fortune!"

"Anesthetic is wearing off, we've run out, and we're right in the middle of the procedure. Keep going."

"Now that we're alone, nobody can hear you scream."

"I'm surprised you're still alive after that."

"This one's going in the collection."

"...So, you didn't sign up for genetic experimentation?"

"My bad. I have slippery fingers."

"5 second rule! 5 second rule!"

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Re: Things you DON'T want to hear in Surgery

Post by celtic_wonder on Sat Apr 13, 2013 7:30 pm

Wait.... You didn't say you have hemophilia!!
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Re: Things you DON'T want to hear in Surgery

Post by Gildemeir on Sat Apr 13, 2013 9:47 pm

Not sure if that's a major human organ....or I just dropped some of my roast beef in there......
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Re: Things you DON'T want to hear in Surgery

Post by Alpha Cygni on Sat Apr 13, 2013 10:48 pm

"I'm legally obligated to tell you that I ain't a real doctor." -Dr. Zed (via Vending Machine), Borderlands 2

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Re: Things you DON'T want to hear in Surgery

Post by .::Muna::. on Sat Apr 13, 2013 10:48 pm

''Gold Fish!''

''Umm doctor, what are you doing with the tube?''

''Please sign here, n here, n here..oo don't worry just a paper that says your medical will pay for all this..'' (Really a death form saying they can't be sued)

''Yes dear,..liver for dinner..alright. Yep..yep..'' Goes on n on..


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Re: Things you DON'T want to hear in Surgery

Post by Azmara on Thu Apr 18, 2013 8:09 pm

1. Oops.
2. Wow, never seen this before.
3. Your wife will still love you.
4. This is really, really going to hurt.
5. Congratulations, your wife just gave birth to a boy, at least we
think it’s a boy.
6. I think I can help you but your insurance won’t cover it.
7. It’s either a broken leg or an ear infection. Hmm, tough call.

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Re: Things you DON'T want to hear in Surgery

Post by Azmara on Thu Apr 18, 2013 8:10 pm

You know those pills I gave you last week and told you to take 8
every hour? Silly me, I meant one pill every 8 hours.

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Re: Things you DON'T want to hear in Surgery

Post by Maarvin on Fri Apr 19, 2013 4:07 am

Hmm, here's some more.

Oops.....er....has this guy prepared a will yet?
Run for cover!
Damn I should not have had five bottles of beer before coming here.
Pass the weed please.

And the best one yet

Maybe we should lwt Dr. Joshua Galvesar opperate on this guy (no offense galvy!)
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Re: Things you DON'T want to hear in Surgery

Post by Kalliope on Sat Apr 20, 2013 7:40 pm

LMAO here's more ^_^

We’re going to take your temperature the old fashion way today.

Nurse, I’m going to need a mess of towels, a vacuum pump, a
Philips head screwdriver, some super glue and get my lawyer on
the phone.

Wow, that growth I removed last week has grown back twice
the size.

At least you’ll still have one left.

I could have sworn they had an antidote for this.

This is the first vasectomy I’ve ever performed. Let’s get
started

Now this is one hell of a needle!

Because of the rareness of your illness, I want you to take this
experimental drug. Don’t worry, the success rate in the
monkeys we gave it to wasn’t half bad.

You do know how to use a suppository don’t you?

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Re: Things you DON'T want to hear in Surgery

Post by bloody_thunder on Thu May 09, 2013 6:18 pm

they revoked my medical liscence


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Re: Things you DON'T want to hear in Surgery

Post by Kryn Cluskio on Thu May 09, 2013 9:02 pm

"We need a surgeon!"

"Why not Zoidburg!"

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Re: Things you DON'T want to hear in Surgery

Post by Gildemeir on Thu May 09, 2013 10:37 pm

Wait, wait, wait! That's the kidney, and that's the heart. silly me, i always get the two confused.
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Re: Things you DON'T want to hear in Surgery

Post by Meian Light on Fri May 10, 2013 4:44 am

A doctor chiming in with a sing-songy voice in unison with the loud buzzing of a chainsaw- prancing in circles around you as he prepares to amputate limbs ( he thinks should be cut off ). Meanwhile you lie on a faulty bed in his rink a dink basement with the only available eye you do have left as the other has been covered with some sort of fabric..

"The neck bone's connected to the collarbone.. The rib cage's connected to spinal column. The leg bone's connected to the WREN WREN WREN... bone."
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Re: Things you DON'T want to hear in Surgery

Post by Azmara on Sat May 11, 2013 10:23 am

o.O that was sorta an rpish answer xD

here's two ^_^

"sorry we ran out of anesthetics..."

carting you half unconcious on the way to the OR "Oops we can't use that room, that's where the doctor performs all his CRAZY expiriments!" screaming from behind the door followed by blood splatter on the window. "ZOMBIE" you're still half unconcious and can't move ^_^

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Re: Things you DON'T want to hear in Surgery

Post by bloody_thunder on Tue May 14, 2013 6:31 pm

◾"I might not have a med-school degree, but when you get shot you'll be happy I'm here."
◾"Who needs a real doctor when you got my machines and their scary needles?"
"I keep the meYou're an organ donor, right?"
◾"Next time you bleedin to death just think, Dr. Zed."
dical equipment working - more or less."

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Re: Things you DON'T want to hear in Surgery

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